bait and switch

Meth. Because I would like to lose weight. Mostly in my teeth.

My goddam dog took the stroke-face emoticon (;p) and made it a fucking lifestyle.

Don’t hate the player; destroy the goddam game.

Bitters

Wheelies 4eva.

jeffrubinjeffrubin:
My friend Steve received this Ninja Turtle jokebook as a gift. A lot of the jokes, including the one on the cover, make no sense.
Also, two of the jokes are about suicide. (via miketrapp)

My friend, Matt, grew up with a joke book from the peanut council where all the punchlines were peanut (i.e. What peanut lives in a cave? Bat peanut).
He told Catherine and me about ten of the jokes. Each one of them made us laugh more than the first. I think we would have passed out if we had a chance to read the whole book.

jeffrubinjeffrubin:

My friend Steve received this Ninja Turtle jokebook as a gift. A lot of the jokes, including the one on the cover, make no sense.

Also, two of the jokes are about suicide. (via miketrapp)

My friend, Matt, grew up with a joke book from the peanut council where all the punchlines were peanut (i.e. What peanut lives in a cave? Bat peanut).

He told Catherine and me about ten of the jokes. Each one of them made us laugh more than the first. I think we would have passed out if we had a chance to read the whole book.

“It’s like throwing a Lolita-themed children’s birthday party.”

from The Sublime Cluelessness of Throwing Lavish Great Gatsby Parties

(via The Atlantic)

Matthew Sweet – Thought I Knew You

Matthew Sweet - Thought I Knew You (via thearmored)

I have always liked how Matthew Sweet recorded saying “sorry” before singing about not caring anymore.

Played 37 times.

Misunderstood jokes are like misunderstood lyrics to me — I usually prefer my interpretation better.

So for instance, the cartoon above was hilarious to me when I thought the guy was going to call the ’90s R &B group TLC and tell them he had a bad monkey. I mean, why would they care? And plus, the monkey has no idea what a great song “Scrubs” was.

But it turns out there is a a show on the cable channel TLC where someone has a monkey. And that is probably what the cartoon was about.

Related: I used to think Micheal Jackson said “show them hot monkey” in “Beat It.” He didn’t.

Gpoy

jamiatt:

$5 to stream the doc about one my favorite bands of my youth. I’m in.

This song is still one of my all-time favorites.

(via apoplecticskeptic)

Songs: Ohia - I’ve Been Riding With The Ghost (via bmichael)

Played 149 times.

david:

Golfer falls into sinkhole on Illinois golf course

motherjones:

Literally the plot of Space Jam.

Literally the plot of Space Jam. Literally the plot of Space Jam. Literally the plot of Space Jam.

(Source: nbcnightlynews)

What if your bakery had such good prices on challah that you couldn’t believe it?

Would you be a challah-cost denier?

"I’ve never seen the Icarus story as a lesson about the limitations of humans. I see it as a lesson about the limitations of wax as an adhesive."

— Randall Munroe (via david)